Saffleurs’ Musings

Grandma passed away on November 16, 2007. She was almost 72 years old. I will miss her a great deal and won’t ever forget her. Since my grandfather passed away 9 years ago my family has taken care of her. If we hadn’t I’m pretty sure she would have followed paw-paw very quickly.

She was a lifetime smoker and after grandpa died from emphysema she quit smoking. Eventually the smoking was the cause of her death as she too developed emphysema.

A few weeks prior to her death she had fallen a few times in a row while trying to go to the bathroom which was usually ok for her to do. She had a portable pot there in the room. When she was taken to the doctors he recommended that she go to a rehabilitation center for geriatrics. The goal to get her leg strength better so she could use the bathroom. Grandma hated relying on other people.

The place she was sent to which I will withhold from saying did not give her the medicine she needs for two days. She wanted to come home and so she did. She requested hospice and therapy at home which she was given.

After a week or two the nurse said that grandmas oxygen stat was low. 83 to be exact. They upped her prednisone and when that did not work they informed us that she would not have long to live.

Two years ago back in July of 2005 we took out a life insurance policy on her that was for $7,500. High cost short term to save us a bit of cash. Half was paid by July of 2007. By then it was considered mature and could be fully used.

We found a letter from grandma that she had written in October of 2005. She told us how much she loved us and was grateful for the time she had with us and her desires for our family to see good graces one day. She cursed others and there was a lot in that letter. She described herself as a poor country girl. By monetary means she was. In life she was richer in the intangible than many people ever could be.

This last week and a half has been a walking dream for me. I would stay up until 5 am afraid I would miss her passing. I didn’t want her to die alone. Which there was no way she would because Mom and Dad and my aunt Betty sat vigil over her day and night. Watching as the emphysema took it’s toll in the end.

That night of the 15th I went upstairs and put all the stuff I needed to shave, shower etc. in the bathroom and then went down the hall to see her. When I stepped into the room and saw her I knew this was the last chance I would see my grandmother. She wasn’t sitting up right and her head was lolled to the left, each breath was a gasp. I’m terrified of the death rattle and it isn’t the first time I’ve heard it. Sometimes a person just needs to squash their fears and do what they feel. I did so and I went over near her and told her just how very much I loved her. She couldn’t speak, only got out the word "I." I talked to my mom then and spoke very loudly about my cousin TJ who we haven’t seen since he was given up for adoption years ago. One of grandmas only wishes was that she know TJ and Danny were ok in life. Both were brothers and given up for adoption by her daughter.

I felt bad about lying that I spoke to him because his adoptive parents refuse to let us. Even though he is legally an adult they snub us. Which is fine. I’d rather lie to my grandmother and let her go out of this world believing her fondest wish came true. Her happiness matters in those last few hours.

I told her again how much I love her and then I go shower and things. I went downstairs and worked on a few things here at Home Stone Journals then oddly I fell asleep. Aunt Betty woke me up at 3:30 am of the 16th and said grandma wasn’t doing too well and it wouldn’t be long. I quickly threw on some clothes and went upstairs.

She did not die alone she died with mom and dad there. The two people who have been a cornerstone in her life the last nine years. She squeezed moms hand and told her how much she loved all of us. God gave her that last chance to speak. Then two breaths later and she was gone. She passed at 3:32 am November 16th, 2007. The Death Certificate reads 4:00 am because that is the time the Hospice nurse had come there and pronounced her.

Sunday November 18th, 2007

    The viewing was today. I stayed up all night making sure that I could put together the Dedication slide show for the family. Scanning and cropping and adjusting 64 pictures can be not only time consuming but it can also be down right tedious. Perfection was necessary and I did that. A memorial dedicated to her with Diamond Rios’ "I Believe" playing in the background. The family loved it and I spent a good bit of time burning 20 DVD’s for them.

The Funeral Home, Evans, did a wonderful job with her. She looks just like Maw-Maw would on a Sunday at church. Just that she is resting. It’s an amazing job. The casket is beautiful.

The only thing worrying me now is Dad. He is 45, has had 3 heart attacks and is prone to panic attacks. He has lost both parents now.  Yesterday he took two nitroglycerin tablets. I’m worried but I am sure he will be fine until we have to carry the coffin. Then I will be worried. I’m not a worrier by nature but that man has raised me, my sister and brother and helped raised many other children. He is a man, father, best friend, and more. One of the people I can truly call a hero in my life.

I will miss you grandma and parting as they say is such sweet sorrow. Till we meet again on the other side. I won’t forget you and today when I lay your shell to rest that encased your beautiful soul, I will do so with the utmost respect. From now until I take my last breath I will strive to be a better man simply because I know that you saw something good and great in me and did so without expectation.

I love you grandma,

Scott Aaron Dunn.